"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make."

All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!

"To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail."-Michael Jordan

"No BLOOD no foul."

"Life's an Ocean, Sail It"

"We are going to rip off your testicles.......and slash your tires." - Nip

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The problem with the Gene pool is there arn't any lifeguards (hillbillies)

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The only reason I am always listening to music is to drownd out the sound of your voice!~

Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

"Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming."

"don't drink and drive you might spill your beer"

If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough

Love is like a rose in winter, only the strong survive

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.

I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.

"Where there's a will, there's a way. And where there's a way, then there's usually a stop sign somewhere along the road."

I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because everytime i fall in love.....it never seems to last

Silence is silver, but music is gold...

Lifes Tough, get a helmet!

loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty!

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

The Earth Is Full - Go Home.

So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Illiterate? Write For Help

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

If you love somebody, they shouldn't make you cry, they should be worth crying over.

Lots of things change...lots of them don't...but the fact that I love you...that will always stay the same.

"I'm going to live life or die trying"

im sugar and spice and everything nice if u wanna mess with me u better think twice

"We are the music makers and we are the dreamers of dreams."

"We didn’t lose.....we just ran out of time"

If you die, I'll kill you!"

There are some days when I just don't feel like talking.. Today is that day.

Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.

The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

"Find a guy that adores you and not one that you adore!!" MOM

Learn from the mistakes of others, because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Trust your instincts and listen to your friends, because they may be right when you don't want them to be

"Birdie, birdie, in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OMG! IT'S BIRDIE CRAP!"

"Inside this body lies that of a skinny lady.  But I can usually shut her up with chocolate.".

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?.

"When you pee in a toilet, you wipe the seat; when you pee in the woods, you wipe your feet!".
Men are like pennies: two-faced and worthless.

Love is like heaven but hurts like hell.
Roses are red, violets are blue, please flush the toilet, after you.

"Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle."

"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't no how to spell anonymous"
I love him, O yes I do,
He's for me, not for you,
And if by chance you take my place,
I'll take my fist and smash your face!

"God made mud, God made dirt, God made guys so girls could flirt!"

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons!

For you are crunchy
And taste good with ketchup

Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so bright!

"Loves a two-way street and I think your car just died"

Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so bright!

"Loves a two-way street and I think your car just died"

Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so bright!

It takes 42 muscels to smile, so instead pick up your middle finger and
say bite me in a bitchy tone!

Every morning is the dawn of a new error

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder

Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...